Still Becoming | October 26, 2026. By Debra Gabel..POSTED 10.27.26
Today, October 26, 2026, I find myself sitting in a hotel room.
I was supposed to be spending this time with my cousin Dorothy. We had plans. Life, however, had other plans. Dorothy passed away sooner than we expected, and now I am here, with time I thought we would have together.
Funny how a calendar can remain completely unaware that life has changed.
As I lay here scrolling through Facebook, I came across a post from another dear friend, Lynn S. She was expressing how deeply she still misses someone she loves.
And it stopped me.
Here was Lynn, carrying the ache of someone gone for many years. And here I was, thinking about Dorothy, her family, and all of us who are just beginning to navigate her absence.
Two different places on the same road.
It struck me that grief doesn’t seem terribly interested in calendars. Whether someone has been gone for days or decades, love doesn’t suddenly check its watch and announce, “Well, that’s enough missing for now.”
But then another thought wandered in.
What about the people who are still here?
The ones we can still call. The ones whose laughter we can hear. The ones we can hug, have lunch with, argue with over something ridiculous, or simply sit beside without saying a word.
Sometimes we become so absorbed in the people we miss that we forget to fully appreciate the people we still have.
Not because we love them any less. Just because absence has a way of demanding our attention, while presence quietly waits to be noticed.
And there it was. The connection I had been searching for.
Missing and cherishing aren’t opposites. They belong together.
We can carry sadness for those who have left us while finding joy in those who remain. One doesn’t diminish the other. In fact, perhaps remembering how fragile our time together really is can make us a little more generous with our love today.
So, lying here in my hotel room, I began putting words together. I wanted to respond to Lynn with something thoughtful, but I also wanted to capture what I was feeling about Dorothy.
Eventually, these words emerged:
“We can spend our days missing those who are gone, or we can honor them by cherishing those who are still here. Life asks us to do both.”
— Debra Gabel
I don’t think the answer to grief is to stop missing someone. I don’t believe we ever have to.
But perhaps one of the loveliest ways to honor those we have lost is to become more conscious of those we haven’t.
Make the call. Take the picture. Say the words. Stay a little longer at lunch.
And if someone you love tells the same story for the fifteenth time, maybe listen as though it’s the first. (Or at least try to look surprised.)
Because someday, that might be the very story you wish you could hear again.
Today, I miss Dorothy.
And today, I am reminded to cherish everyone I still have.
Both feelings can live in the same heart.
And perhaps that’s another little lesson in Still Becoming. 🦋
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