Vacation? Italian Reality show? Engagement…| Zebra Patterns

For anyone who thinks a three-week European vacation

sounds relaxing, let me clear that up right now!

The plan was fabulous. Gary and I would fly to Milan and vacation with Brooks for a week in Milan and Florence. Then we’d rent a car and drive to Tuscany, where we’d spend ten days with Cole, Nicole and her family for THE ENGAGEMENT. After that, everyone would head home and Gary and I would continue on to Greece for a romantic third week. Italy! Tuscany! Greece! Family! An engagement! What could possibly go wrong?

Apparently, that was a challenge the universe was happy to accept.

We started in Wilmington at 12:30 on August 11, arriving nice and early for our 3:00 p.m. flight because we are responsible travelers who likes plenty of time at the airport. And then our flight was delayed. And delayed. And delayed.

FIVE HOURS.

Goodbye Philadelphia connection. Goodbye carefully planned itinerary. Goodbye first full day in Milan. Goodbye one prepaid night at the Marriott. Hello, Debra Travel Anxiety: European Edition.

By some miracle and a whole lot of scrambling, we were rerouted onto another flight to Milan via Charlotte. All we had to do was race off our very late Wilmington flight and across the Charlotte airport to catch our newly scheduled flight.

Easy.

Except somewhere during this Olympic airport event, I realized I had left MY PHONE IN THE SEAT POCKET OF THE FIRST AIRPLANE.

Of course I did.

And naturally, the plane was at Terminal C and our flight to Milan was leaving from Terminal E. Panic! Phone calls! Running! More panic! Brooks, my hero for at least the next 45 minutes, ran all the way back, found my phone and somehow made it back in time.

We hadn’t even left the United States - or North Carolina!

Almost Forgot…

Since we had to change flights Brooks luggage was went onto Phillie. We arrive in Milan… no luggage!

Of course it did!

So let’s top this circus with Gary’s phone battery in iPhone won’t charge and we had to seek out an Apple Store in the Heart of Milan. One token of good luck, Lululemon store was near by to buy Brooks three days of clothes! Luggage was returned in 3 days! He will get money back for new clothes.

Let the stress begin!

We finally arrived in Milan, checked in and started our European adventure. Did I mention it was OVER 100 DEGREES WITH MASSIVE HUMIDITY? Not for a day or two. Basically the entire two weeks. After approximately ten minutes outside, you’re drenched in sweat, your hair could get you arrested for being so out of control, your clothes are stuck to you and the only attraction you’re really interested in seeing is a shower.

And air conditioning? Apparently Italy and I have very different definitions of air conditioning. I want to walk into a building and immediately think, Ahhhhhhh. In Italy, you walk inside and ask, Is it on? Then there were the attractions. Everywhere we thought about visiting had lines hundreds of people deep, standing outside in the blazing heat.

Nope. I love history. I love art. I love Italy. But apparently I don’t love any of them enough to stand in a 100-degree line with hundreds of sweaty strangers. That was NOT happening.

The Italian Crash Coarse

Then came more Italian education. Dinner doesn’t really start until at least 8 p.m. - 10 p.m. and can easily go until 12 midnight or later.The waiters operate on their own schedule, and once they figure out you’re American…forget it they move like snails. Overall, it was at least a 30-minute wait just to get a menu. And supposedly there’s no tipping in Italy—unless, apparently, you’re American. Then they’ll chase you down and demand one. Not kidding.

Thank God for Zeb, my ChatGPT, because there was very little English and I spent half the trip asking, “Zeb, what does this say?”

The food overall was good. The pizza and gelato were great. And gelato, of course, was MANDATORY EVERY SINGLE DAY. I believe that’s an Italian law. Then there was water. “What do you want to drink?” “Natural Water.” Four euros. Every bottle. And if you didn’t want to die of heat stroke, the three of us started every meal with 12 euros worth of WATER.

Here’s another fun fact about Italy in August: apparently most Italians decide it’s a great month to close their shops and go on vacation. Coincidentally, August is also when every tourist and their brother comes to Italy. Excellent system. Many shops were open from about 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., then closed until around 5 p.m. and reopened until 10. Are you kidding me? We weren’t even getting into town until noon because we’d been up until midnight the night before EATING DINNER! How could I make it to town at 9?

Despite the heat, the strange hours, the lines and our rapidly growing list of travel disasters, we really did enjoy Milan and Florence. I love the European streets, the architecture, the little shops and just walking around taking everything in. Florence was beautiful, and we visited an incredible gorge. See pix below.

Next stop: TUSCANY

We rented a car for the approximately two-hour drive to our villa on the Mediterranean. Even picking up the rental car became an event. The attendant pulled our car around and HIT A PYLON, putting a huge dent in the side door before we had even driven it! Perfect. So before beginning our peaceful Tuscan vacation, we had to photograph and document the damage extensively so that two weeks later someone wouldn’t decide that we owed thousands of euros for their employee’s huge screwup.

And then we drove.

Let me tell you something about driving in Italy. IT IS NUTS.The roads are subpar, shoulders apparently are optional, and some country roads look wide enough for approximately ONE CAR, yet somehow traffic is expected to go in BOTH directions. Then you get into the mountains. Hairpin turns. Cliffs. No guardrails. I think I lost another five years of my life just sitting in the passenger seat.

And let’s not forget the approximately THREE TRILLION SCOOTERS.

They have no rules. They zip around cars, between cars, beside cars and seem to materialize out of thin air. We could be driving down the highway with another car right next to us and suddenly a scooter would come flying BETWEEN THE TWO CARS. WTF?

The Villa

Somehow we survived and arrived at our beautiful five-bedroom villa overlooking the Mediterranean. We were there with Cole and Nicole, Nicole’s friend Paige, Nicole’s parents, Brooks, Gary and me—eight of us altogether. Everyone had their own lovely room. And…believe it or not…this place had CRAZY COLD AIR CONDITIONING!

Finally! All the national budget for air conditioning in Italy was at that villa. Note to self; this part of Italy is mild most of the year, so blankets were not exactly plentiful. We spent the day sweating to death outside and the night freezing. Gary and I actually slept with a TABLECLOTH over our sheets.

But hold on… You cannot make this shit up.

The first night, Gary woke up and reached for his iPhone. HUNDREDS OF ANTS. On the phone. On the wires. On the floor. We got up and discovered them in the bathroom, across the floors and around the bed. Hundreds of them.

Plan B!

I consulted Zeb, whose basic advice was: GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT ROOM AND CALL AN EXTERMINATOR!

So we tried an extra bedroom upstairs.More ants. We eventually ended up sleeping on couches. An exterminator came and spent most of the next day getting the situation under control.

Welcome to Tuscany!

That same morning, Nicole’s parents arrived. Her dad, Mitch, drove through the extremely narrow entrance gate and got a little too close. There goes the gate opener. €550 to fix.

Ants: mostly handled. Gate: broken. Vacation: proceeding beautifully.

Let’s move on with a hopeful attitude!

Day two, mostly ant-free, we headed to a nearby beach. Beautiful water, gorgeous scenery and finally a chance to sit, relax and enjoy ourselves.

A couple of nights later, the kids decided to go out. Another interesting thing about Italy: the nightlife basically STARTS AT MIDNIGHT. Brooks, Cole, Nicole and Paige went out. The girls were home around 2 a.m. Brooks and Cole were not!

I Historically speaking, getting Brooks and Cole together in a bar late at night does not always end well. This was no exception. At 4 A.M., Gary got a panicked phone call. The boys had gotten into a terrifying situation with a group of men that were on the security and staff. They were physically forced outside and the men attempted to rob Cole of his $20,000 Rolex, gold chains and bracelet. Brooks somehow managed to get away and ran toward the road, while Cole was restrained. Cole fought back, punched one of the men, got loose, ran into the bushes and called Gary. Gary eventually found both of them alongside the road, scared out of their pants.

Nicole’s mom and I were simultaneously terrified, relieved and furious.

My motherly assessment of the situation was fairly simple: First, you should have gone home at 2 a.m. Second, perhaps don’t go out at night wearing enough jewelry to resemble a one-man Cartier display. And third, WHY DO YOU DRINK UNTIL YOU CAN’T STAND UP?

Boaring…. Not misspelled

One night after dinner walking back to car suddenly three wild boars jump out of bushes right next to sidewalk. Apparently this common in Italy. Those mini pack of swine were huge. I would guess 200 lbs each. We all ran like crazy, I snuck back and had to snap a photo.

Seriously.You cannot make this stuff up.

The following day, the electricity went out at the villa.

Of course it did.

Too much load on the circuits. We unplugged a bunch of things, got the power back on and carried on because by this point, unless Mount Etna personally arrived at the villa, I wasn’t going to be surprised.

And finally came the reason we had all traveled to Tuscany in the first place.

THE ENGAGEMENT. ❤️

After six years of waiting, Cole finally popped the question!

Cole and Nicole went for a walk along the beach. After a few minutes, Cole stopped, got down and did his thing. Meanwhile, Brooks, Paige and a photographer were hiding in the bushes so the whole moment could be captured.

She said YES!

The photographer took beautiful pictures of them afterward, and they walked back to the villa where Diana had planned a wonderful celebration with parents, aunts and uncles waiting for them.

After all the craziness, this part was simply perfect. Although there is one tiny detail about the engagement I haven’t mentioned.

THE RING.

The engagement ring cost approximately same as cost of a new 2026 BMW. And guess who had been carrying that ring around Italy before the engagement? GARY. By the way Cole lives large…the money that kid spends is cra cra! (His attitude is work hard and play hard) our attitude is OMG…where did you learn this? I try to keep my state of mind…”LET THEM’ but my boys certainly continue to make us basket cases. I guess the thought of NO MORE WORRIES ONCE your kids when they graduate college was all propaganda!

Mailing the ring to North Carolina saved on taxes, so Gary had the responsibility of personally carrying it through Milan, Florence and Tuscany for the entire week leading up to the proposal. Remember all those warnings about pickpockets and robberies? Exactly. Every day Gary was walking around Italy with a ring most people don’t make in a year, in his pocket.

Stressful???

THE YACHT nope not kidding…can’t make this up!

Cole rented a sleeps 4 full yacht with a skipper to cruise to different stops on The Mediterranean. It was a great boat and we loved the scenery and the tour all over. We stopped at three special coves to jump in the water because we were like rotisserie chicken on the boat in the sun! I even got out my art pad and did some live sketching. That was fun! See sketches at end of blog.

The final days in Tuscany really were wonderful.
We got to know Nicole’s family better, relaxed, spent time at the beach, did some shopping and ate. And ate. And ate. Food, food, food!

And just when we thought we’d used up our entire vacation allotment of disasters, Diana fell at the beach, badly sprained her ankle and ended up at the hospital getting X-rays.

Of course she did.

Then, a few days before Gary and I were supposed to leave for our romantic final week alone in Greece, we started hearing about massive forest fires.

Of course we did!

Greece. France. Germany. Airports potentially closing. Gary and I looked at each other and basically said:

WE CRY UNCLE.

We canceled Greece.We were DONE. Put us on a plane. Take us home.

Instead of another week wandering around Greece, we took a 10½-hour flight from Rome to Charlotte, followed by another flight to Wilmington. We started traveling around 7 a.m. Italy time and finally arrived home around midnight North Carolina time.

So here I sit on Saturday morning.

According to our original itinerary, Gary and I should be waking up somewhere in Greece right now. I’m thinking should I call a shrink or just check myself and Gary in?

Instead, we’re HOME.

My own house. My own bed. My own air conditioning. No ants. No scooters. No outrageously expensive ring in Gary’s pocket. No 100-degree sightseeing. And hopefully nobody is going to call us from the side of a road at 4 a.m.

Dorothy was right: “There’s no place like home.”

But when I look back on this absolutely crazy trip, what I’ll remember most isn’t the heat, the ants, the rental car, the scooters, wild boars, the gate, the hospital, the fires or even that 4 a.m. phone call. I’ll still remember why we went.

Cole and Nicole are engaged!

We couldn’t be happier for the two of them. Being there when Cole asked Nicole to marry him on that beautiful beach, surrounded afterward by both of their families, made every ridiculous moment getting there worth it.

We’re FINALLY having A GIRL!

Welcome to the family, Nicole. We already loved you, but now we get to officially claim you. And THAT may have been worth losing another five years off my life in Italy.

Maybe.

Sorry for the long post but I had to tell the story…and there were other things that were noteworthy…that will need to go into my memoirs! Can you believe that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Like our room! Heres something to look forward to… they want to get married in Italy!

Of course they do!